<<< A TALE OF TWO MIDGETS >>>
Once upon a time, there were two midgets. The first midget was a real arrogant
kind of guy, the sort of obnoxious snot you'd see in a mob movie as a tough,
take-no-crap, I'll blow your head off kinda guy. This means of course that he
spent most of his time at home reading Better Homes and Gardens in the privacy
of his bathroom, lest anyone discover his horrible secret. The other midget was
a mousy, docile, feminine sort of guy. This means he owned a large amount of
firearms, and could take out a human being with a single shot from a hundred
yards, and he ate only Manwiches, never ever eating Tofu or Yogurt in his
entire life. But today we'll just deal with their public images, and leave
their home life secrets alone.
The two midgets both worked in a toy store, whose warped policy, written by
someone at the headquarters 500 miles away, stated that they had to hire
midgets if at all available, and pay them double rates since they were only
half as tall, and besides, who better to work in a toy store but a damn midget?
They could relate to the rest of the world's vertically challenged people,
commonly known as children. So it was that day in and day out these midgets had
to abase and humiliate themselves before whiny, screaming little kids for their
amusement and all that. But, it paid well.
But one day, the feminine little midget decided he was going to quit, for he
had found a much better job elsewhere, and his last act of retaliation was
going to be to bring one of his really big big guns into the toy store and just
wipe the entire place out, and then of course, take off and change his name and
get lots of plastic surgery. After all, that was how he had escaped from being
prosecuted for shooting Kennedy all those years ago. Who ever suspected
a midget of murder? Sha.
So he went home and oiled up a rapid-fire assault rifle and got a few hundred
rounds of ammo, and snuck it in (god knows how) to the stock room of the toy
store, and up to those little observation windows they have to make sure you
don't steal toys. He put a silencer on his rifle (hard to find one of those,
lemme tell you), took the pane of two-way glass out, and one by one picked off
pretty much everyone in the store. He did, however, manage to miss the other
midget, who was his primary target in the first place, for the other midget was
hiding in a pile of stuffed animals (ala E.T.) and was quite effectively
camouflaged inside their fuzzy depths.
So, the other midget eventually got bored and went home.
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