by Shadowfax, Wintrmute, pyro and Iceman

Once upon a time, in a sunny vale, on a sunny day, there was a guy named Danno.
He was a nice guy, with an evil woman at his side. Her name was Cindy. Little
did he realize that schemes were in operation which would be his downfall. He'd
made a grave error, you see, for he had stolen her cigarettes, and payment was

Unfortunately, our hero had no idea that he had offended the vengeful Cindy. He
believed that instead, that she was merely annoyed with his association with
the Wizard's Circle at b63062. It was this misunderstanding that would prove to
be poor Danno's downfall. While all his energy was diverted to hiding his
membership, Cindy had free reign to make her evil plans.

She clandestinely joined the rival Sorceror's Clan at b61784, and began
plotting, with the aid of her fellow magic-workers, the brutal piece-by-piece
destruction of Danno! However, she had forgotten the important alliance between
Danno and the Grand Wizard of Flame, Rih-Shah! She plotted her dark designs in
ignorance of this fact. Her ally in her efforts to destroy Danno, the Once
Renowned Jeffrey, Who Was Fallen, also didn't remember this, and so things went
on. One day, she got a pack of cigarettes in the mail, with the letter "D" on
the front and no return address.

Smirking with evil satisfaction, she tossed these in the trash. Her plan was
worth much more than a pack of cigs to her now. The first stage of her plan was
to discredit Danno though imposters and peculiar events surrounding him.
Jeffrey played a vital role in this, empowered by his ability to take on any
female semblance for a time.

Even with this formidable force, Cindy ran into a snag. During Halloween, the
night in which she was at her peak of power, she spied a bedraggled, grungy
figure in the night. She met this man, and knew his name only as Ryan...
instantly, her heart leapt out to him, without even realizing that he in fact
was the root of the power of b63062.

In the meanwhile, the Head-Sorceror's Apprentice at b61784, known as ManO'Ice,
has deceptively snuck into his master Riccardo's dwelling area and begun to
leaf through some of the various pornographic periodicals... including his
favorite: "Hot Chicks of the Spirit World." He heard a faint mumbling and
cackling in the room next door... he finally recognized the voice as the
newcomer, Miss Cindy. He did not know much about her, but soon began to hear of
horrible plans to rip the emotional entrails from a certain jilted lover...

But, as usual, the ManO'Ice had enirely misinterpreted the situation. Cindy in
fact was speaking of the jilted lover of Danno's, who was the lady Kristina.
For Cindy had always been jealous of the Lady Kristina, for she had always
wanted Danno all to herself, but could never manage to ensnare him in her web
of feminine wiles.

Failing that, she would now simply destroy him. Rumors began to spread, after
Jeffery's bizarre performances, so it was hardly questioned when one day Danno

However, what many did not realize, was that Danno was not murdered, kidnapped,
castrated, or other such things by the evil Cindy. In fact, Danno was held
captive in a dark tower, by one known as Pyra, Mother of Pyro. Through the
majik of a powerful bracelet, inscribed with runes of hearts, she planned to
capture the heart of Kristina, and force the marriage of Pyro and Kristina, in
the far off land of PerDew.

ManO'Ice, upon hearing these plans from his Master's study, knew he could not
let this happen... for although he didn't give a rat's buttocks about Danno's
feelings, he secretly lusted after Kristina, and had even written odes and
ballads in her honors, for she was a woman of *true* surpassing beauty. So he
quickly zipped his pants back up, put away the pornos, and hopped on his white
stallion (OK, gray pack mule) and giddyeeapped his way over to Kristina's
dwelling place immediately to warn her.

Unknown to the rest of the heroic and/or evil people we've heard about so far,
the Lady Kristina was sitting in her bedroom, delicately fixing her hair for
yet another day in her personal Danno Shrine which was of course, where she
spent the majority of her free time, when she was not studying or practicing
her knitting. And so as the ManO'Ice came to her door, her mother politely told
him that Kristina was not available, and that he should come back another day.

Infuriated, ManO'Ice shouted, pounded on the walls, and spoke the forbidden
names in anger. The gods, on high Mt. Ayeness, looked down upon ManO'Ice with
displeasure and promptly ruptured his internal organs, leaving his still-
shuddering wreck dead at the scene. This, however intruded into Lady Pyra's
plans, as she tripped over ManO'Ice's remains, losing the bracelet in the

Infuriated at this mishap, she immediately resurrected ManO'Ice, and cast
a spell of command on him, forcing him to search the bushes for the majik
bracelet, until it was regained or until his death, whichever arrived first...
That being done, she smiled sweetly, and knocked on the door, asking for the
fair Kristina.

ManO'Ice, however, was stronger of mind and will than most gave him credit for.
He was, after all, an apprentice to a high sorceror of the Magic of Linux,
albeit a perverted one. He bravely pulled forth a potion from his almighty blue
PowerBook case, and swallowed it whole. Within seconds, ManO'Ice had
transformed into a snarling, hairy purple T-rex, and promptly *hugged* Pyra
into oblivion. (See what a little love can do?) This being done, shocking
Kristina's mother profusely... ManO'Ice swallowed another potion which returned
him to his former state and he calmly walked in, down into the dingy basement,
and back to Kristina's Danno Shrine where she was replacing the batteries in
her remote control, which she used to control the 25 foot screen depictor of
Danno footage, that she played on a daily basis while in a semi-hypnotic opiate
state. When she saw the ManO'Ice barge in, she quickly switched off the lights
and vanished down a trap door in the floor, expertly concealed by a large rug
with Danno's face emblazoned on it.

A labyrinthine system of tunnels provided Kristina her escape. Swinging closed
the panel back into the Denny's wall, she slipped out into the crowds.

After enjoying several coffees, Kristina decided that she needed to freshen up.
As she closed the door in one of the stalls, she heard a light tap tap tapping,
Searching the wall, revealed a small passage down to a small antechamber, in
which she saw her master, Danno, chained to the wall, directly under a rather
largish spout.

Seeing her Danno chained to the wall was almost too much for her... for she was
so horny from thinking about him for 24 hours a day for *so* long, she could do
nothing but tear the clothes off his body and pounce on him. Once her wild
sexual urges were fulfilled, she released him from his chains.

And a good thing he was now free, for at that very moment, who should choose to
flush themselves down that very Denny's toilet but Jeffrey and the evil Cindy.
Instantly, Cindy went to cast a vexation spell on the wretched Danno, to make
his underwear itch 'til the day he died, when Kristina jumped in the way and
got the full impact of the blast of energy that had leapt from the little Red
Riding Hood wanna-be's fingertips.

Kristina would bear this affliction with noble dignity for weeks before Cindy's
counterpart Ryan took pity on her, breaking the spell. Cindy scowled at her
obstruction and struck again, this time relying on trusty cold steel. A wicked
dagger leapt from her hand as though possessed of its own malicious will (which
it happened to be), diving straight for Danno.

Danno was known to be fast, but not that fast. The dagger plunged deep into
Danno's heart. So deep in fact, it made sparks on the wall as it passed through
the other side. The high concentration of methane in the room exploded into
huge fireball, charring everyone to a crisp, except: As the fire ball erupted,
an amazing thing happened. Time slowed to a crawl, as ManO'Ice's one true wish
came true: To give his life in an attempt to save Kristina's. Using the
slowtime spell, he was able to push Kristina away from the fire. However, he
was not fast enough to save himself. He died a most horrible stinky flaming
death. And so, Ryan being the only remaining male in the tale, became
Kristina's lover, all because of his newly grown goatee.

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